Dear Marie,
You don’t know me. We’re from two different continents, we
don’t speak the same language, and although I know you probably will never read
this I felt compelled to write it. Why? Because, Dear Marie. Unbeknownst to
you, you’ve changed my life and my underwear drawer forever.
The extent of the influence your book on my house and family
was not fully realized until my four-year old handed me two of his former best
friends (stuffed dogs, ‘Sue’ and
‘Sah’) telling me he was ready to “pass them along” because they no longer
brought him joy. My emotional reaction to this announcement caught me
off-guard. “Really?” I choked out while blocking as much of my surprise as I
could. Marie, you warned me about this. You warned me that it is especially
hard on parents to see what their children are getting rid of. With your wisdom
in mind, I took a deep breath and responded, “Ok, if you’re ready[even though I
so wasn’t]. But you need to know that these are pretty worn out, so that means
they will need to go into the garbage can…”
“Yeah. I’m ok with that”
With my heart breaking a little, I opened the garbage can,
took a deep breath and dropped in the toys. Then to seal the deal, poured a
little expired spaghetti sauce on top to stop me from changing my mind. Oh Marie,
you would have been so proud.
Yes Marie. Even my four-year-old has been catching the
tidying excitement. After the dumping-of-the-best-friends event he placed
another stuffy on a shelf announcing this would be it’s home for now as he had
yet to decide if it still gave him joy. Prided swelled in my heart causing my
eyes to mist.
Although I’ve only officially finished steps one and two of
the KonMari Method (sorting through clothing and books), while dabbling in
other areas (I know Marie, I know. I’m supposed to do it in order. Don’t give
up on me.), this house is feeling better already. I stopped counting boxes of
discarded items after 25 exited our home. I’m pretty sure we have
single-handedly stocked a local thrift shop for a month and clothed a
multi-child family for the next year. You’re right Marie. It does feel good.
Also, recycling day has become my favourite day of the week. And for the first
time in a month I was able to fit all my recycling in our city-approved
designated recycling bin. I’m smiling a little to myself as I write this.
I must confess though Marie, that this process is not all
butterflies and rainbows. There was a day I was particularly ruthless with old
papers, cards, and journals with your words, “Celebrate who you are now”, at
the forefront of my mind. That night as I lay down to sleep, my heart started
beating faster, breaths were becoming shallow and difficult and I felt my chest
squeezing. I was fending off a full-blown panic attack. “Did I really just get
rid of all of those birthday cards? What have I done?” Marie, I can’t say you
didn’t warn me. You did say that when you get rid of so much stuff all at once,
it is not unusual to experience an outbreak of pimples, or to have a couple
days of diarrhea. You attributed this phenomenon to toxins leaving your home
through the form of your unwanted stuff. I must admit – and I don’t say this to
hurt your feelings but rather because honesty is important - I think that is a
load of bunk. However, I think we can agree that beholding the pile after a
thorough purge can be stressful. For me, this stress didn’t take the form of
pimples or the runs but rather a panic attack. But I did it Marie. I stayed
strong, I talked myself through it, went to sleep and the next morning I put it
out with the recycling, and yes, even experienced joy as the garbage man came
to take it away. This process is making me stronger. Thank you, Dear Marie.
But while we’re being honest here Marie, I have to admit, there
is one part of your KonMari Method I simply cannot get on board with…Attributing
human emotion to inanimate objects and thanking them for serving me feels a
little weird. I respect your decision to hold to this practice but I just can’t
participate. I’m not even sorry. However the way I’ve made peace with it is
this: I’ve decided that at the core of this piece of the process is the
recognition of the importance of gratitude. That I can grasp. Here’s where
we’re different, Marie: I believe that every good and perfect gift comes from
Father God, so I’m going to thank Him instead. I feel good about this slight
departing from your method. I understand you may not be completely ok with this
and think I’m missing an essential part of the process. I get it. I can respect
that. But honestly, I think this bit of your thinking is kind of weird. I fully
recognize you probably think the same of mine. Can we just acknowledge each
other’s weirdness and be friends anyway? I’m game if you are.
But Marie, having said that, I feel it is important to give
props where props is due. So Marie, instead of thanking your book for helping
me, I’m going to the source.
You Marie. You are that source.
Here’s to you, Marie.
Because of you, the kitchen countertop is more visible most
days than it has been in my 11 years of marriage. That’s because of you. Thank
you.
Thanks to you Marie, my bathtub/shower has never looked
better or has been easier to clean – I can’t exit the bathroom without removing
everything from the bathtub, drying them off and placing them in their
designated homes. Thank you.
My bookshelves are filled with only our favourites. We play
more board games as a family because the home we have chosen for them is so
much more accessible than it was previously. I rid myself of a few of my high school
yearbooks that represented my most notable years of awkwardness. What a relief!
My living room is more of a place of connection and fun than it has ever been.
This is all because of you. Thank you.
Also noteworthy is the discovery that I have more storage
space/bins than I need! I spend less time looking for things because everything
has a home. Heck, I even found my many piles of seashells and carefully
selected my favourites from the pile to arrange inside a glass jar for my living
room shelf. Seeing it sparks joy. For all of this, thank you.
I’m not done, I have most of my ‘Komono’ (miscellaneous
items) to attend to, but hey – that is much less of an overwhelming thought
than it was a month ago. I’ve been taking comfort in your clarification that tidying
all at once, thoroughly and completely, could be a 6 month process. I’ve
decided I’m ok with that. As I move steadily along in this process and become
more confident in my decision-making -skills, I’m already breathing easier in
my home.
Perhaps the biggest ‘Thank You’ I must say is for helping me
rid myself of the guilt I experience whenever I consider passing along an item
gifted to me. Your wise words reminded me these things were an “expression of
love and consideration…”, that I didn’t need to keep it ‘just because’ and to
simply be thankful for the “joy it
gave you when you first received it”.
That paragraph represented such a shift in my thinking it’s
worthy of a full cut and paste…
But surely the person who gave it
to you doesn’t want you to use it out of a sense of obligation, or to put it
away without using it, only to feel guilty every time you see it. When you
discard or donate it, you do so for the sake of the giver, too. (Kondo, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying
Up”, pg 108)
So… thanks. Thank you Marie for helping me to make my home a
tidier and happier place. I’m not sure if my remarks about not being on board
with speaking to inanimate objects or where I my gratitude is directed, or the
fact that I’ve worked this whole thing a little out of order will offend you to
the point of me being disqualified from being an official KonMari Method
graduate. I hope not, but, no matter. Regardless of where these differing
opinions leave our friendship and my graduate status, Thank you, Dear Marie. My
house is a heck of a lot closer to being filled only with things that I love. And that my friend, sparks the most joy of all.