Dear Marie: An Open Letter to Marie Kondo

Dear Marie,

You don’t know me. We’re from two different continents, we don’t speak the same language, and although I know you probably will never read this I felt compelled to write it. Why? Because, Dear Marie. Unbeknownst to you, you’ve changed my life and my underwear drawer forever.

The extent of the influence your book on my house and family was not fully realized until my four-year old handed me two of his former best friends  (stuffed dogs, ‘Sue’ and ‘Sah’) telling me he was ready to “pass them along” because they no longer brought him joy. My emotional reaction to this announcement caught me off-guard. “Really?” I choked out while blocking as much of my surprise as I could. Marie, you warned me about this. You warned me that it is especially hard on parents to see what their children are getting rid of. With your wisdom in mind, I took a deep breath and responded, “Ok, if you’re ready[even though I so wasn’t]. But you need to know that these are pretty worn out, so that means they will need to go into the garbage can…”

“Yeah. I’m ok with that”

With my heart breaking a little, I opened the garbage can, took a deep breath and dropped in the toys. Then to seal the deal, poured a little expired spaghetti sauce on top to stop me from changing my mind. Oh Marie, you would have been so proud.

Yes Marie. Even my four-year-old has been catching the tidying excitement. After the dumping-of-the-best-friends event he placed another stuffy on a shelf announcing this would be it’s home for now as he had yet to decide if it still gave him joy. Prided swelled in my heart causing my eyes to mist.

Although I’ve only officially finished steps one and two of the KonMari Method (sorting through clothing and books), while dabbling in other areas (I know Marie, I know. I’m supposed to do it in order. Don’t give up on me.), this house is feeling better already. I stopped counting boxes of discarded items after 25 exited our home. I’m pretty sure we have single-handedly stocked a local thrift shop for a month and clothed a multi-child family for the next year. You’re right Marie. It does feel good. Also, recycling day has become my favourite day of the week. And for the first time in a month I was able to fit all my recycling in our city-approved designated recycling bin. I’m smiling a little to myself as I write this.

I must confess though Marie, that this process is not all butterflies and rainbows. There was a day I was particularly ruthless with old papers, cards, and journals with your words, “Celebrate who you are now”, at the forefront of my mind. That night as I lay down to sleep, my heart started beating faster, breaths were becoming shallow and difficult and I felt my chest squeezing. I was fending off a full-blown panic attack. “Did I really just get rid of all of those birthday cards? What have I done?” Marie, I can’t say you didn’t warn me. You did say that when you get rid of so much stuff all at once, it is not unusual to experience an outbreak of pimples, or to have a couple days of diarrhea. You attributed this phenomenon to toxins leaving your home through the form of your unwanted stuff. I must admit – and I don’t say this to hurt your feelings but rather because honesty is important - I think that is a load of bunk. However, I think we can agree that beholding the pile after a thorough purge can be stressful. For me, this stress didn’t take the form of pimples or the runs but rather a panic attack. But I did it Marie. I stayed strong, I talked myself through it, went to sleep and the next morning I put it out with the recycling, and yes, even experienced joy as the garbage man came to take it away. This process is making me stronger. Thank you, Dear Marie.

But while we’re being honest here Marie, I have to admit, there is one part of your KonMari Method I simply cannot get on board with…Attributing human emotion to inanimate objects and thanking them for serving me feels a little weird. I respect your decision to hold to this practice but I just can’t participate. I’m not even sorry. However the way I’ve made peace with it is this: I’ve decided that at the core of this piece of the process is the recognition of the importance of gratitude. That I can grasp. Here’s where we’re different, Marie: I believe that every good and perfect gift comes from Father God, so I’m going to thank Him instead. I feel good about this slight departing from your method. I understand you may not be completely ok with this and think I’m missing an essential part of the process. I get it. I can respect that. But honestly, I think this bit of your thinking is kind of weird. I fully recognize you probably think the same of mine. Can we just acknowledge each other’s weirdness and be friends anyway? I’m game if you are. 

But Marie, having said that, I feel it is important to give props where props is due. So Marie, instead of thanking your book for helping me, I’m going to the source.

You Marie. You are that source.

Here’s to you, Marie.

Because of you, the kitchen countertop is more visible most days than it has been in my 11 years of marriage. That’s because of you. Thank you.

Thanks to you Marie, my bathtub/shower has never looked better or has been easier to clean – I can’t exit the bathroom without removing everything from the bathtub, drying them off and placing them in their designated homes. Thank you.

My bookshelves are filled with only our favourites. We play more board games as a family because the home we have chosen for them is so much more accessible than it was previously. I rid myself of a few of my high school yearbooks that represented my most notable years of awkwardness. What a relief! My living room is more of a place of connection and fun than it has ever been. This is all because of you. Thank you.

Also noteworthy is the discovery that I have more storage space/bins than I need! I spend less time looking for things because everything has a home. Heck, I even found my many piles of seashells and carefully selected my favourites from the pile to arrange inside a glass jar for my living room shelf. Seeing it sparks joy. For all of this, thank you.

I’m not done, I have most of my ‘Komono’ (miscellaneous items) to attend to, but hey – that is much less of an overwhelming thought than it was a month ago. I’ve been taking comfort in your clarification that tidying all at once, thoroughly and completely, could be a 6 month process. I’ve decided I’m ok with that. As I move steadily along in this process and become more confident in my decision-making -skills, I’m already breathing easier in my home.

Perhaps the biggest ‘Thank You’ I must say is for helping me rid myself of the guilt I experience whenever I consider passing along an item gifted to me. Your wise words reminded me these things were an “expression of love and consideration…”, that I didn’t need to keep it ‘just because’ and to simply  be thankful for the “joy it gave you when you first received it”. 

That paragraph represented such a shift in my thinking it’s worthy of a full cut and paste…

But surely the person who gave it to you doesn’t want you to use it out of a sense of obligation, or to put it away without using it, only to feel guilty every time you see it. When you discard or donate it, you do so for the sake of the giver, too.  (Kondo, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, pg 108)

So… thanks. Thank you Marie for helping me to make my home a tidier and happier place. I’m not sure if my remarks about not being on board with speaking to inanimate objects or where I my gratitude is directed, or the fact that I’ve worked this whole thing a little out of order will offend you to the point of me being disqualified from being an official KonMari Method graduate. I hope not, but, no matter. Regardless of where these differing opinions leave our friendship and my graduate status, Thank you, Dear Marie. My house is a heck of a lot closer to being filled only with things that I love. And that my friend, sparks the most joy of all.   

The Local Library: Your Community's Unsung Gem

Welcome to Canada!

I’d like to introduce you to an often-unsung magical gem of a place found in most Canadian communities: the local library.   

Four years ago, my little family packed up our things and moved from the growing city of Guelph Ontario to Arnprior, a small Eastern-Ontario community in the Ottawa Valley. As a pregnant and full-time parent of an inquisitive, energetic and adventurous toddler with limited access to transportation, I was delighted to discover our local library was less than a kilometer’s distance from our home. ‘Adventures’ with Sophie often involved a walk from our home (perhaps more of a waddle for me and my growing belly), through our friendly neighbourhood, across the bridge that spans the dam on the Madawaska River to the local library right on the edge of the down-town core. At age two, Sophie quickly figured out how to operate the kids’ touch-screen computers, the wonderful feeling of returning home with a big pile of books to share and the joy of independence that comes with having your very own library card. Also, I rediscovered my own love of children’s literature.  

The library soon became our favourite hang-out and it wasn’t long before two-year-old Sophie was on a first-name basis with a number of the librarians.   

When Asher was born, a month early and in a hurry, health complications that ensued made feeding him and getting enough sleep to function, a full-time job. As such, I was house-bound for a number of months. Every week or so sunshine would arrive in the form of a fresh batch of library books. Because my arms were tied up with a sick babe, breast pumps and bottles, I was unable to give much attention to Sophie other than to read her stories as she flipped the pages beside me. We devoured those books. We would work through stacks upon stacks, often reading together for up to two hours a day.

During those long days we read and read, getting lost in the stories together. We got to know Stella and Sam (Marie-Louise Gay), a big sister with a wonderful imagination and a grand sense of adventure with a little brother who always wants to know, Why? We made up songs to go with the stories about Jillian Jigs (Phoebe Gilman) as she sewed “hundreds and millions and zillions of pigs!” with her friends Rachel and Peter. We read about the Jolly Rogers (Jonny Duddle), a pirate family trying to fit in with the land-lubbers and a small girl named Matilda who befriended them when no one else would. We have read so many books about dinosaurs that now, ‘Euoplocephalous’ rolls off my tongue with ease. We giggled together at the silliness of Piggie and Gerald, best friends who never let the weather nor common sense get in the way of their fun. We sang along with Skippyjon Jones (Judy Schachner), the Siamese cat who desperately wants to be a Spanish-speaking Chihuahua as he bounced and bounced on his big boy bed.

When Asher was a few weeks old, we told Sophie we were going to go on a family adventure and asked where she would like to bring her little brother. “Can we bring him to my favourite place?” she asked us excitedly.

We tucked the sleeping boy into his car seat and drove to the library. Sophie was jumping up and down with excitement as Kyle lifted Asher out of the car. “Asher!!” She stage-whispered as only a 2-year old can, “THIS is the LIBRARY! This is my FAVOURITE place!” She proudly pressed the buttons to swing the doors open and led the way into the children’s section to introduce her infant brother to all the magic she had discovered there.

Three years later, we still make weekly visits to the library, something we all look forward to. Asher now takes great delight in signing out his own books with his library card, feels so proud when he finds his favourite books all on his own to bring home. Both of our kids have finished the “100 Books to Read Before Kindergarten” list. Sophie helps Asher find his favourite books about cats, and outer-space, and ‘Cars Galore’ (“I WUV Galore books!”), and Sophie participated in the library’s ‘Summer Reading Program’ last summer, signing out at least five books on her own card from the library 13 times over the course of the summer, earning her 12 pins for her red base-ball cap and an invitation to a big dance party at the end of the summer, an exclusive packed-out event filled with the towns’ most enthusiastic junior readers.  

I am so thankful for exceptional staff at the library who have taken the time to get to know the kids and community members who come in, for the fun after-school and summer programs they organize and for the overall friendly and welcoming atmosphere they create. My kids love reading, and that is in no small part, a result of the wonderful staff and facility available to us at no cost, simply because we are members of the community.

Do you want to find out what is happening in your town? Do you need a quiet place to sit? Do you need something new to read? Do you need some inspiration, conversation or an opportunity to get to know people in your town? Check out your local library – adventures await!

Welcome Home!