I am Living in a Material World and...

A couple weeks ago I watched a video on Facebook of a young teenager begging for help on a frigid New York City morning. His body was shaking from the cold, almost completely unprotected from the cold as he was covered only by a ripped t-shirt and torn jeans. The parade of winter-clothing clad walkers ignoring the young boys pleas continued for two hours (according to the video). Eventually a homeless man knelt beside the boy, shook him awake from inside the garbage bag he had wrapped himself in, unzipped his winter jacket and placed it on the unbelieving youth. The video had thousands of views and thousands of likes, with many comments praising the actions of the homeless man.

I scrolled through the comments, feeling sick to my stomach while my heart screamed, “And that person just FILMED this? For TWO HOURS? And did NOTHING? Why didn’t he put his camera down, give the kid his coat and call someone for help? WHY DID HE WAIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO MEET THE NEED??” I was upset and angry with this person for being completely unaware of his own indifference because of his focus on the cruelty of others. I was deeply bothered by this and could not stop thinking about it for days. Then it hit me…

"Stephanie, that kind of describes you sometimes." BAM!

What? Who? Me? I can be so focused on the cruelty of others that I fail to see my own indifference?... sigh…Oh Voice of Truth. You got me again. Once I heard it, I couldn’t un-hear it.

A short while later, Kyle and I were talking about the video, about our possessions, purging, and generosity. Without really thinking them through, these words came out of my mouth,

“You know, I really feel like if I have something I'm not using and someone else could be using it, it's like I'm stealing from them."

Almost as soon as those words left my mouth I regretted them. Really? Do I REALLY think that? Wow. Talk about self-condemning words. If I really believe that, I think I’ve unknowingly been stealing from a ton of people over the years. I mulled over my words in the last few weeks and I think I’ve settled on this… If I’m hanging onto something I no longer need or use, I’m withholding a blessing from someone else. And for goodness sake, I want to be a blessing to others. So with that thought in mind, I’ve begun a room-by-room purge.

I’ve been taking an honest look at our possessions and asking myself, “Do we use this? Do we need this? Could someone else benefit from this?” Parting with stuff I no longer use or need has been more difficult than I would like to admit and more of a clean-out-the-heart process than I would have imagined.

I started thinking about our excess possessions last spring when the leadership of my church announced that we were going to hold a free yard-sale as a part of an event called “The Big Give”. I was so pumped about this and was praying for it to be a huge success and blessing to people in our community when, “Stephanie… if you want this to be a success, you’re going to have to contribute.” Oh Voice of Truth. You got me again. Ahhh…

Matthew 6:19-21 reads, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven…for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Oh how I so badly want that to describe me! But, alas! It doesn’t. Not yet anyway. I’m fighting the natural hoarder in me every step of the way. At the moment, Madonna’s words describe me a little better than the verse in the book of Matthew does, “I am living in a material world and I am a material girl.” Gross.  

So yes, as it turns out, I’m embarrassingly materialistic and attached to things that don’t bring true fulfillment and, I speak the truth my friends…I’m finding that letting go of my stuff is HARD.

I’m working on it. It's a process. Four weeks before “The Big Give” I began my ‘what-can-I-give’ treasure hunt. Almost every time I found something I felt I could part with, an internal struggle would begin and it would take a good two or three days for me to silence the part of my brain that was telling me to keep it for ‘just in case’. In the end we parted with more than 23 boxes of stuff, and honestly, I can’t remember a third of what was in there. And you know what? I don’t miss ANY of it.. Seriously. And in the end, someone who needed it was given it for free, my basement is less cluttered and my life isn’t any less full. Win, Win, Win.

Taped to the cupboard beside my sink for over a year is a cue card that reads,

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg will give him a scorpion? If you who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11: 11-13).

I try to hang onto this thought whenever I’m tempted to start worrying about finances/stuff. I also try to remember the many times boxes of clothes for the kids and for me (when I was pregnant and needed maternity clothes) have just shown up on my doorstep exactly when I’ve needed them. I try to remember about the friend who filled my freezer with homemade frozen dinners when I was struggling in the early days with Sophie. I remind myself about the kind friends who barely knew us who took us in for three weeks while we were waiting to take possession of our new home in a new town.  

We’ve been provided for beyond what we’ve needed, and the God who has provided for us through friends and strangers before will do it again. So…with these things in mind, I continue my purge of our stuff in the hopes that our excess will meet another family’s need. And eventually, when I’ve managed to separate our excess from what we need, I can start practicing some real generosity. Heck, maybe someday I’ll have the chance to give the coat off my back to a shivering person on the sidewalk. How awesome would that be? 

Someday I hope to know that I know, that my concern about the needs of others outweighs my attachment to my stuff. Someday I’ll honestly be able to say that Madonna’s lyric no longer describes me. And until then, I’ll do my best to live as though my treasure is in Heaven and not on Earth where moth and vermin destroy (Matthew 6:19-21), and hang onto the hope that eventually, my heart will follow suit.